AP: 04:45 16feb11 SANJUAN
Bedlam ensued this day shortly after flight neighty-Nate from Laguardia touched down on the isle of Puerto Rico. As ticketed passengers began to debark the plane local hero Brian Quadlibo Duffy stormed the cabin and demanded that they turn plane around and return to Brooklyn for sweater nite. "I was channelling Steve Mac" Duff would later tell investigators "I told them I don't want to kill ya, but i HAVE to kill ya"....The pilot tried to rationalize that sweater nite was a good 72 hours off in the distance and that Duff should take the familty to the beach, enjoy some sunshine and have a burritto and some local flavor for lunch and then catch the next plane to NY as opposed to committing air piracy and hijacking flight neighty-nate......to which Duff responded by pummelling Cap Sullenberger with a jagged "empty" bottle of Bud light....."Shadumski twice" were his last words as being led away in handcuffs.....a moment of silence will be observed during the festivities this Sunday.
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